Last updated on August 4, 2013
Battleship – Huh, a film based on a board game, Battleship. Not sure how this happened, but given how much money this relative flop made last year, I doubt we’ll see a sequel.
A list of changes from the board game called Battleship: First, it has a plot. Second, it has a few Hollywood actors, a singer (only in the barest of Auto-Tuned terms), and a swimsuit model jammed in there somewhere. Insert every character stereotype imaginable, such as the nerdy coward and the strong disabled veteran, and suddenly a movie appears out of thin air. Ok, I feel a bit bad about the reductionist exaggerations here, but you get the idea.
Anyone willing to watch yet another Taylor Kitsch flop (hello, John Carter) will find themselves pleasantly entertained, certainly not from the heart but from the gut. Unlike the board game, there’s very little “Battleship” combat. It’s more akin to Giant Alien Hovercraft with Future Missiles versus outdated military technology, Independence Day transferred onto a sea vessel. Characters need to be memorable and witty, things need to explode, and aliens need to come down to provide us all with a common enemy. After all, having real nations fighting against each other might reduce the foreign gross of the film – considering it made back its budget and more because of this, I imagine Hasbro isn’t complaining.
So what do I think about this seeming aberration from the bowels of Hollywood’s incessant desire to make two hundred million dollar films? I liked it, I really did! I find a lot of film selection derives from one’s mood and expectations. I usually expect nothing from every film, and thus my experience with the lowest common denominator means that nearly any film can live up to imaginary expectations. Frankly, though, why would a board game movie engender any expectations?
For goodness sake, you knew right from the tie-in that we were not looking for high art here. There’s two references to the board game total, and at that point you’ll be engrossed in the film anyway. Things blow up, people learn things about themselves, aliens need sunglasses (IT’S THEIR WEAKNESS THEY HATE SUN EVEN THOUGH THEIR PLANET REVOLVES AROUND A SUN WOW IS THIS DUMB), American/Japan/other nations win. Everyone learns about other culture through killing species from a different planet. It’s wonderful!
Do I recommend this? I guess? It’s not quite as dumb as a Michael Bay film (this one has a genuine third act, as Roger Ebert, God rest his soul, points out), but it’s certainly not up to the high caliber set by…other films in the “things blow up” genre? Seriously, I’m having trouble saying whether you should watch this for sheer stupidity, dumb laughs and spectacle, or just stay far away. I imagine it will depend on your personal taste in summer action blockbusters, but I turned my brain off and liked it.
Plus, I prefer Taylor Kitsch over Sam Worthington/Channing Tatum/other attractive, borderline dumb white guys any day of the week.
Rogue – So, I’ve been leveling a Rogue in World of WarCraft. Huge surprise, I know!
This stealth-based class confused me quite a bit at first; honestly, my first tactical instinct from all my tanking years is “charge straight in and whack it to death”. Rather, you’re a bit squishy with all that leather armor. Your optimal attack range might be melee, but it’s more “hit and run” than “stay and take it”. Rogues get the greatest advantage from attacking first out of any class in the game. Get a proper opener with Ambush or Cheap Shot in PvP and you may as well expect to die. They’ve been the bane of PvP since God knows when, and that certainly won’t stop now.
Each ability they use, for the most part, gives them Combo Points. Regular moves cost energy, and finishing moves cost combo points, so it copies fighting games in spirit if not form. This might appear attractive at first, but let me be honest: the first sixty or so levels of rogue felt extremely boring compared to other classes. Not only do you not get any new offensive abilities, but many of your abilities remain entirely passive buffs to the ones that you already have. I imagine this works fine from a “feature creep” perspective, as you don’t want a player with too many similar offensive options, but it leaves a bit of a bad taste when you’ve been spamming Sinister Strike or Mutilate for so long that you can’t even remember how long.
Maybe the game’s intentionally beating repetition into you. Most of a rogue’s damage comes from what we call “white” or auto-attack damage, so this makes sense. It just doesn’t feel very active until you get Shadowstep, which made the rogue live up to its ninja-esque namesake. All it does is teleport you right behind a targeted foe, but it utterly enhances the experience right from the get go at level sixty. Being able to pop right behind an enemy and instantly gut him (by yourself in an instance, no less) remains quite satisfying time and time again, and the rogue’s abilities become more powerful all of a sudden.
Perhaps I should have played Assassination all along, with its reliance on combo points and poisons, rather than Combat, which focuses on passive white damage and energy regeneration. Or maybe Subtlety, the “stealth” spec, became more viable. Who knows, but I’m having fun; I always loved melee DPS, so this is right up my alley. My only large complaint, and it’s a rather big one, comes from a lack of true AoE capability. I imagine this is an intentional design feature for the class, but Fan of Knives comes at about level 66, so I suppose I will update you when I get there. For now, I will enjoy stabbing things with daggers, thank you very much!
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
That’s it for this week. And stuff. Definitely Bioshock and/or Final Fantasy Tactics for this week, so stay tuned!
